Alka Helter Skelter Seltzer, or 10 Perfectly Reasonable New Year’s Resolutions

  1. Destroy all monsters
  2. Kiss the sick most exquisitely
  3. Laugh every time a person gives you the impression of being a thing
  4. Take the A train
  5. Tremble for your nation when you reflect that God is just
  6. Trespass on the taboos of modern nationalism, in the interest of human reason
  7. Get down, get funky
  8. Travel long distances for no apparent reason, converse with strangers, appear normal, have no hallucination and no delusion, but eventually return to your original self and original awareness, baffled by finding yourself in a city hundreds of miles from home
  9. Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing
  10. Punch yourself in the face and drop dead

***

Also, just for the record, these things are not as funny or great as you pretend they are and deep down you know it so knock it off.

  • Flight of the Conchords
  • Nigella Lawson (honestly, this has to stop immediately)
  • Radiohead
  • Sasha Baron Cohen
  • 30 Rock
  • Tim Burton

Published by Curt

I am a poet and journalist and so on amber so forth in rows magnet.

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